Fun fact: I like smearing butter all over my face whenever I’m stressed.
Dad: Richard! Come here immediately!
*Richard comes running*
Dad: Richard, did you get in trouble today?
*Richard is wetting his pants*
Richard: I can explain, sir…
Dad: How many (insert really strong Russian swear words here) times did I tell you NOT to flirt with the god damn females, Richard!
Richard: Well, it’s just tha-
Dad: I THOUGHT YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND, YOU UNFAITHFUL (insert strong Russian swear word here).
Richard: Sir, I was just messing around.
*14 year old sister comes in*
Sister: Sir, I am trying to do my homework. Will you please just lower your voice… a bit?
Dad: Go to your room, Richard.
*Richard goes to the kitchen, gets a stick of unsalted butter*
*Richard goes to the bathroom, and locks the door*
*Richard starts dabbing his face with butter*
And that, folks, is how I spent the Spring vacation.
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